7 replies to this topic

[AdvMutant]

Hello everybody.

Love, at least where I come from, usually makes people giggle. That's because love = sex which is considered rude. I'm not gonna talk about anything rude. I need help in a very sticky situation. I didn't want to ask my friends because of 2 main reasons - they are as old as me so they don't have any experience, which means they don't know anything about the subject. Also, my personality doesn't allow me to trust them. Not anyone, in fact. My parents, by the way, are even worse. So I need help from you guys.

Last year I had a gf. She was cute and all, but that was the frist time I was seriously in love. I asked her to be my gf but it didn't work out well. She didn't like me and we didn't even go out once. I tried to impress her as hard as I can. She didn't care. Soon she started to get annoyed by me always being around. Eventually she just decided it's enough and broke up with me. I lost a part of my world, and it changed me. It might seem like I'm just trying to make it look big, but it really did change me. I was sad at first, then angry. Here's why I can't trust anyone - making someone close to you is like giving them a knife and hoping they won't use it. In my case, she did. Making someone close means allowing him to hurt you. If he/she doesn't yet deserve that, he/she can, and will hurt you. I didn't trust anybody. Not even my closest friends. I became a different person. But I still had some feeling deep inside me, something that I can't really describe. I was feeling a lot better near that girl, but I tried to fight that feeling.
Today, after an year, I thought it all passed. I thought it was safe to speak with her again, ignore the fact I was in love with her. We're just regular friends that say hello to each other and sometimes laugh together. But I was wrong. The feeling is still in there, like an addiction - like a weak version of love. I feel the need to come closer to her. After she broke up with me I started to like other girls, many of them. But the feeling near my ex-gf is still different. It's more than liking her, but less than loving.

Now here's the problem - she has a another boyfriend. He loves her and she loves him. God, they're a cute couple. But again - what am I supposed to do if I'm drawn to her like a magnet? I've tried to forget about it but it just didn't work. I don't know what to do. It really makes me sad - I feel like a hopeless lover. I almost lost interest in computing, I fight with my friends, I argue with my parents, basically I'm more pissed because of it. It's not like I'm jealous - I'm really happy for them. But I'm still sad I can't be with her. Now, don't misunderstand me - I don't need a way to make her bf get the sh*t out and take his place, simply because I don't want to. I just want to get rid of his feeling. Please advice me how.

Thanks for any kind of help. Again, this is very serious. If it makes you laugh and you think it's some kind of joke, just don't post. Otherwise, any kind of help is very appreciated.
Thanks a lot, Mike.

[John]

I don't think you get rid of it.

[WingedPanther]

Everything you said makes perfect sense. I've been in a similar situation before. I had a fiance' that I broke up with because our families were constantly fighting. It was a real mess, but I was completely in love with her. I ended up being single for close to 10 years after I broke up with her. I spent time with her a couple times after we broke up, and it was REALLY hard.

Then I went through a similar process again, only this time the girl wasn't really interested in me. The only thing that helped was me getting together with my current wife. As long as you're not with someone else, she'll be the best thing you've ever had in your life. When you find someone who wants to be with you, and who you want to be with, then it becomes much easier to let this girl go. Not being around her will help, too.

I'm one of those people who can't back off from being in love. It sounds like you are too. It hurts when you're rejected, but will make you a really great boyfriend/husband when you find the right girl.

[AdvMutant]

Thanks WingedPanther :). If it'll help me let her go, I hope I'll find another girls soon.

[Donovan]

WingedPanther is correct, I have had many relationships some small and meaningless and some big and serious. A relationship is a big part of having a Life Lesson. I have learned that with each relationship you will learn something new. When you go into your next relationship try to keep a couple things in mind, one being; take each relationship as a life lesson and not necessarily as a happily ever after. I am not sure about Israel although, I have a friend from there. But, in America and I suppose everywhere in the world, people are different and sometimes things don't work out. If the person is not interested in you from the beginning, chances are things will not work out, or the chemistry between the two is not there. I am not sure how old you are but, sometimes at a young age you will experience more "Puppy Love" which is two people who are fond of each other for the moment of being with somebody and not having the fear of being alone. This is different for actual love on a bigger scale. Two people who love each other are friends, they are looking for somebody to spend the rest of their life with, meaning they will wait as friends and take whatever time is needed to get to know the person first. Becoming somebodies friend and knowing who they are before you start an exclusive relationship is a big part of "love". Again, don't set your self up for hurt, don't take every relationship as a happily ever after but, instead look at it as a life lesson like I said above. You may change during relationships which is not a bad thing but, don't make it change who you are, make it change your decisions in upcoming relationships. I have been used, heart-broken, and taken advantage of in relationships and to be completely honest I would not take any of them back because I am more knowledgeable now in that world to not set myself up for failure. So to sum this up, 1) Puppy Love is Puppy Love, enjoy it while it lasts but, never "EXPECT" it to work out forever. 2) Don't set yourself up for hurt, meaning don't involve your whole life around your significant other. Be caring but, not obsessive. 3) Take your relationships as a life lessons and with every one of them you will learn something new.

I hope this helped and maybe you can use it to benefit you in your next relationships. getting rid of feelings from people you have been with don't go away that easy it usually takes time.

[AdvMutant]

Thanks to all of you guys.
Today we and some of our friends were just talking, as usually. One of the friends asked if she's in a relationship, and she answered "I don't know.". I asked her, and she said the same again. I'm not sure if it was the right hing to do but I asked her to make a decision, and that I want a second chance. She smiled and promised to let me know soon.

PS. I'm 13, as it says under my avatar.

[Donovan]

Ah, well at that age you shouldn't worry too much about girls. They just get in the way of learning ;) but, I wish you best of luck my friend!

[lor]

yep girls definitely have cooties, I'd stay well away.