68 replies to this topic

[AdvMutant]

Yeah... What a great topic. Till now, they caused me more trouble than male friends. But, there is always a 'special one'(you know what I mean) that makes me forget everything else.
Now here comes the problem. I'm not sure if I have time for that 'special one', because my day is very, very busy. I never have time to play or go out, and that's after considering the fact I never do homework(that's what school breaks are for).

I already had a girlfriend, and after doing lots of mistakes she threw me. It simply didn't go well. I came to her because I didn't have many friends back then so I needed someone to care about me, but she thought I asked too much attention. Both of us got mad and sad, so she broke up with me. It was horrible. At first I was happy to have a gf, but after a while time without her became some kind of blackout. That's cause I needed her, but she wasn't yet ready for a relationship. That's why I became uber-annoying and ruined everything. It took me about 2 moths to recover after it, because she broke my heart. I lost every hope I ever had to be someone, and it changed my personality completely. It turned me to a dark person and a loner.

I don't even want to think of it happening again, but I'm a male. Now, after a year, I like another girl. She doesn't really know me, and she's always with friends. It turns out that I'm annoying every time we talk because I can't just start a topic when she's with friends. I heard I need to build a friendship first, but I'm not sure how can I do that without making everything clear. Basically, I don't even know if I should do it, because the risk is huge, and even if I do I don't know how.

Guys, you are older than me. You know what's right. Last time I asked my parents about such a topic they sticked to me with it and just embarrassed me. They made it even worse. So, I count on my 1337 computer and programming skills by asking about the topic on a forum. Only a true geek would do that, and I am. And I'm proud of it.

Help pl0x, Mike.

[WingedPanther]

Rule one: relationships take an investment of time. If you don't have time, just be friends (if that).
Rule two: do not EVER lie. Don't hide your faults. I have some habits that some people would find gross. I just laid it out there when I started dating the woman who became Mrs. Panther. Either she will accept them, and there's no disappointment, or she doesn't, and you can end it early.
Rule three: you don't have to have a major long term relationship yet. I got married when I was 30, to my third girlfriend.

Helpful tip: read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It really does explain a lot.

[mrlemke]

You're 13, enjoy life as a kid. Women are a lot of work, no matter your age, although at your age they're not really women yet. Any relationship you start at your age has a huge chance of failure and will almost always be short term. Don't let them break your heart, it will get you no where. It's a waste of time being depressed.

[AdvMutant]

That's exactly why I'm very careful with what I'm doing.
@WingedPanther, your time rule bothers me the most. Like I said, after freeing as much time as possible, I spend most of it for programming.

As about being depressed. Yeah, it's a huge waste of time, but I can hardly avoid it. I'll never forget how I felt about my ex. I was thinking only, only and only about her. Nothing else. My heart was beating almost too fast. I never had that feeling before, and back then I had it all the time. I don't feel the same now, much less. I was depressed because I actually loved someone for the first time in my life and she was like 'meh... Whatever' about it.

[DEViANT]

tl;dr

I don't have time for relationships now, I have to build a future for myself. If you can become successful in life, you needn't worry about getting a girlfriend/wife. No offence to the female posters on the forum but women are drawn to successful men as we are drawn to good looking women. Its not wrong, its not "shallow".... Its the facts of life.

[AdvMutant]

I'm not worrying about getting a girlfriend/wife. I'm worrying about getting her.

[coder25]

Ask her out or try to be friends with her first. That way you'll know whether you want to be in a relationship with her and whether she is interested in one.

[AdvMutant]

Did you read the thread? 'Asking her out' just doesn't seem right. I can guarantee she'll reject me, because she barely knows me. Being friends seems too clear. I'll try to find some time alone with her, so I can as least start a normal conversation.

[coder25]

I'm not sure by what you mean by "barely knows me". I've asked out girls who I've not known too well without getting rejected. Its just a way to get to know each other.

[lor]

Quote

It took me about 2 moths to recover after it, because she broke my heart. I lost every hope I ever had to be someone, and it changed my personality completely. It turned me to a dark person and a loner.

:l

Okay honestly, advice from one chick to a guy who's asking for advice, just be confident.
Also about being friends first... I don't really believe in that, once you build a friendship, or a good one at least, it's hard to overcome the "just mates" barrier. However if you do develop a friendship you'll probably get a clear indication whether or not she's digging you or whateverrrrrrr.

Anyway you're 13, same age girls are annoying! Girls have cooties.

[WingedPanther]

AdvMutant said:

That's exactly why I'm very careful with what I'm doing.
@WingedPanther, your time rule bothers me the most. Like I said, after freeing as much time as possible, I spend most of it for programming.

Relationships = time. It's just a reality. That said, I spent over a decade being intimidated by girls. It was "just going for it" that let me get my first date with the woman who became my wife :)

[coder25]

From my experience, if you really care about the girl, then spending time with her is not going to be a problem. You'll want to do it.