Depressed former programmer could use some advice

[hopeishope]

If you haven’t been depressed before, you’ll probably want to skip this, because I don’t think there’s any way you can understand.

I used to be a really smart guy. A genius, actually. I often had problems with depression and anxiety, which degraded my functionality somewhat. But with the extra intelligence I could afford to lose some without too many consequences. I got an advanced computer science degree, a couple of jobs with prestigious companies. Then something really bad happened to me, and I couldn’t function anymore, couldn’t think. I couldn’t even figure out how to make change, couldn’t focus well enough to sort papers into two piles. No treatments helped at all. I would have killed myself a million times over if I hadn’t been so afraid to die.

I’ve been on disability for a really long time now. Fairly recently I went through an experimental depression treatment. I can’t exactly say that it’s cured me, but I’m definitely better. There are even times when I can think quite well. I’m never up to genius standards, and the good periods tend not to last for more than a few hours so far. But I do see some possibility of recovery, which I couldn’t have said a couple of years ago. The good mind is still in there, somewhere, I think. I have a hope that if I can do something successfully, I could think better, get a little more success, and so on, and maybe, just maybe, one day not have to bear the guilt of living off the taxes of people working at WalMart.

There are daunting obstacles standing in my way. I have very little self-confidence, hence little sustainable energy or drive. My skills are so outdated and forgotten that I can barely remember the last time I wrote anything other than a small Perl or javascript hunk, cannibalized from earlier efforts. My “resume” would be look so pathetic at this point that there’s no point in even writing one. There’s no way I would take a chance on hiring someone like me. And my brain doesn’t yet function well on a normal schedule. So I think there’s no point to trying to get a “normal” job. I have to try to do something on my own. That will require extra self-discipline and drive that seems almost impossible to summon at this point, but it’s the only way, I think.

I had an idea that, when I don’t think about the difficulties, I’m pretty interested in. It’s a package of screensavers, all of which would be creative variations on a common concept. I’m almost certain that it would be popular with a lot of people. Whether they’d be willing to *pay* for the package is another matter. But like I said, it does interest me, which is a good thing, and I figure that, if I’m able to write the package, the very worst that can happen is that I bring my skills up to date somewhat. So I think it’s worth trying.

Trouble is, I don’t know where to start, and that’s where I’m hoping someone will give me some guidance. I don’t know what language would be good to learn for the project, what other tools I might need. I never really did learn how to program in a graphical environment. (Most of my experience was in getting complex data manipulation programs to run faster.) I don’t know what tools to learn to create the animations, or where to go to learn how to knit that in with the programming. I don’t know what the standards are for writing screensavers. I figure I have to put myself through some home schooling, but have no idea what “classes” to take. And money is a factor (though there seems to be a lot of free stuff these days). I downloaded a Java development package and quickly felt like an idiot when I tried to use it (though the language itself wasn’t that hard). I know that feeling will go away once I get going, but the point is that I don’t even know how to find good instructional material.

So. Can anyone give me some ideas about how to get started?

[dargueta]

I have several personal opinions to offer:

Java is an instrument of the Devil. Don't use it.

I suggest you use C/C++ or Visual Basic for the project. I'm more familiar with graphics in C++, so I can help you if necessary.

If you want to learn C++, I found a PDF of SAMS Teach Yourself Visual C++ in 21 Days. Unfortunately, it's too big to attach to this post, so I'd have to send it in a private message to you, if you like.

Microsoft's Visual Basic 2008 Express Edition has a built-in toolkit for making screensavers. I've never used it myself, but it's a place to start.

Downloads:
Visual Studio 2008 Express Edition - Visual Basic, Visual C++, Visual C#, etc.
Windows Screen Saver Programming Tutorial

Hope this helps.

[hopeishope]

Hey,thanks. I really appreciate it.

I used to program a lot in C, so I'll try the C++ route. I located and downloaded that PDF, so I wouldn't have to bother you for it.

Mind if I ask why Java is an instrument of the devil? About a year ago I read a book teaching C# and and one teaching Java, and the actual languages themselves seemed so similar that I had a hard time keeping them apart in my mind.

Thanks again.

Originally Posted by dargueta

I have several personal opinions to offer:

Java is an instrument of the Devil. Don't use it.

I suggest you use C/C++ or Visual Basic for the project. I'm more familiar with graphics in C++, so I can help you if necessary.

If you want to learn C++, I found a PDF of SAMS Teach Yourself Visual C++ in 21 Days. Unfortunately, it's too big to attach to this post, so I'd have to send it in a private message to you, if you like.

Microsoft's Visual Basic 2008 Express Edition has a built-in toolkit for making screensavers. I've never used it myself, but it's a place to start.

Downloads:
Visual Studio 2008 Express Edition - Visual Basic, Visual C++, Visual C#, etc.
Windows Screen Saver Programming Tutorial

Hope this helps.

[dargueta]

I'm taking AP Computer Science right now, in Java, unfortunately. The language is so restrictive it's not even funny. Functions must be entirely contained in classes, you can't overload operators, there's no such thing as pointers or unsigned integers, file I/O is difficult, the only thing you can do with the console is read and write, you can't change screen modes, character colors, or anything. Creating a window and drawing on it is kinda complicated, execution is slower than a native application...I could go on forever. The only good things about it that I can think of are that it comes with a huge standard library, and the programs it produces are cross-platform, but kind of a nuisance because you can't really combine them that easily into one package without messing with jars. Does that answer your question?

EDIT: I found another link you can try: Write Your Own Screensaver in C++

[WingedPanther]

Java is far more restrictive than C++ (though it does provide the swing library for GUI work). Changing from C++ to Java is like having half the buttons on a PS3 ripped off, but given a nice VR headset for viewing the graphics.