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Past Relationships

Posted by Zizzy, 26 February 2012 · 382 views

I've recently come to find, that a past relationship of mind ended in a terrible way. Much more terrible than I had hoped it would be. I just now realized it, because I was in too deep of thought to realize what I was doing and who I might have been hurting, and why it happened how it did.

It was a windy night if I recall correctly, and we were watching a movie. I received a phone call, returning bad news. The news, ah yes, the news. My friend had just had a rough break up with his girlfriend, which happened to be my girlfriend's, friend. I now realize, that was a bad idea.

My partner, who shall rename nameless, was entirely upset, and in my opinion overreacting to a three week relationship. I remember it like it was yesterday, every word, every moment. It replays in my mind every night before I sleep, every morning I wake up... how I hurt her.

It was the last night I saw her, and it was the last day I presume I ever will again. After that night, days later, I had to end the relationship with her. Not because of the phone call, not because of the previous nights, but because it was all going downhill. I couldn't handle it anymore without breaking down each night, wondering why I was still hanging around.

The breakup was nasty, it ended so horrible, and I regret every moment of it. I realize now that I could have handled the situation it a better way... but at the time, I was also in a terrible mood - and wasn't thinking clearly. I was feeling more and more depressed each time we fought, I was breaking down little by little, piece by piece. I just couldn't handle it.

After the breakup, we didn't talk. We didn't talk at all. I couldn't find her anywhere, I wouldn't get responses to phone calls, emails, text messages, or any other form of communication you could possibly think of. I was worried a few months after the relationship was over - from no responses. I lost my phone, her number, and I couldn't find her any where. After I did reach her, I contacted her via Facebook, and found she had started a relationship.

Now, as most "typical" guys may have thought "That $#$#$", I was happy for her. I wanted her to feel loved, and to be happy. It wasn't working with us, but now as I see it, we are both happy as it is now. She's happy with him, and I am happy single.

Now, some of you may be wondering how being happy single works... and some of you may know why. I, myself, I'm happy single because I don't think I could be in a relationship at a time in my life such as now. I have a busy school schedule, I have a busy internship coming up, and I have a lot of technical reading for my Computer Science class, which even now I need to do more of.

I am happy now, because I am allowing myself to not get into a commitment in which I cannot commit to. With me being in a busy schedule, I cannot maintain a relationship at the same time - and if I were to, it would not go as smoothly as I'd like my relationship to go. I wouldn't have the time, I wouldn't be available, it just wouldn't go well.

I realize now, that I want her to be happy. I want her to have a happy life, and that at one point to regain our friendship, and be good friends that were once in a relationship - but overcame the pain, and were reborn.

And now, yes now. Every night (technically 'today'), from now on, I will go to sleep with a clear mind, and wake up the next morning with the same thought - of how such a terrible thing, could be reborn into something so great.

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